Feelings vs. behavior

We live in a world where there’s constant pressure to suppress or deny our emotions. Society often tells us that we need to “keep it together,” or that certain feelings like anger or jealousy are “bad” emotions. That’s nonsense. There are no bad emotions—only real, raw feelings that are an expression of our inner reality. Sometimes they mask another, more sub-conscious feeling, such as anger masking fear. But they are there. Even those who proudly claim to be emotionless are simply not, unless there is a disability or trauma causing our mind and body to not work properly, of course.

But here’s the key point: while your emotions are valid, the way you choose to act on them can either help you or harm you (and others). Let me put it another way: it’s one thing to feel angry; it’s another to let that anger lead you to act out in destructive ways. Anger is valid—punching someone in the face because of that anger is not. Well, at least usually. Let’s be real: the world isn’t black and white.

In the Temple of Chrysalis, we follow the Edict, and the moral code taught in the Edict is simple yet profound: “Do as you desire, bear the responsibility.” Yes, there’s the familiar moral code structure you might remember from many religions and ideologies, but with a twist. This pillar means you’re free to be your authentic self, feel whatever emotions rise up within you, and live your truth. But with that freedom comes a responsibility—to yourself, to others, to the ripple effect your actions create in the world.

Sometimes, your personal truth will clash with societal norms. Sometimes, it will feel like you’re fighting against a system that doesn’t get you. And you know what? That’s okay. In fact, there are moments when no one has the right to tell you what’s “right” or “wrong.” Your lived experience is your own, and no one gets to define that for you.

But here’s where I kick your butt a little: just because you feel deeply doesn’t mean you get a free pass to act recklessly. It’s easy to convince yourself that your behavior is justified because you’re in pain. Or, you can be a bit dramatic and howl “The world showed no kindness to me, so why should I do the same to the world!” It’s easy to mistake revenge for justice, to tell yourself that your outburst was warranted, or that someone else “deserved” it. We’ve all been there. But at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to own those actions. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of the energy you put out into the world. Sometimes, at least in your reality, an action normally labeled as “wrong” might be completely logical in a certain situation. The key is for you to decide whether you are fine with the consequences.

For example, imagine I had a daughter. One day, I walk into a room and find someone has broken into my house and is harming her. In that moment, I wouldn’t care in the slightest whether it’s morally right to attack the intruder. If it meant going to jail later, then so be it—that’s a consequence I’d be willing to accept. My daughter’s safety would come first, and as her mother, I couldn’t live with myself if I hesitated, wondering, ‘Is it morally justifiable to smash this vase over the burglar’s head?’ rather than channeling every bit of protective rage I had to do whatever it took to protect her.

Let’s not forget one more thing: we can influence our emotions to a certain degree. While emotions often feel automatic and overwhelming, there’s a fascinating link between our physical body and our emotional responses. For example, did you know that simply climbing a set of stairs—feeling your heart rate rise and sweat build—can trigger the sensation of anxiety? The physical symptoms mimic what we associate with stress, and suddenly your brain labels it as anxiety. This is especially true for those in the neurodivergent sphere, where signals like hunger or thirst can be easily confused with feelings of anxiety or unease. And, if you clench your jaw tightly enough for long enough, your body might begin to feel irritated or even angry. Why? Because the physical posture of tension is tied to the emotional experience of frustration or anger. Our body and mind are in constant conversation, and the way we carry ourselves can influence the way we feel.

This is why, in Chrysalis, we also practice the art of intelligent emotional regulation. While we respect and embrace the full spectrum of emotions, we also recognize that we are not helpless in the face of our feelings. We can choose when to lean into our emotions fully, and when to step back and adjust—because while emotions are natural, they aren’t always the whole truth.

Here’s the challenge: next time you feel a surge of anger, hurt, or jealousy—take a breath. Let yourself feel it fully. Don’t push it away. But before you act on it, ask yourself: Is this behavior really going to serve me? Is this going to make my life better, or am I just reacting from a place of pain? Feel the emotion, but be intentional about the action.

Life is complicated, and we’re all just trying to navigate our way through it. There’s no right or wrong formula for handling every situation, but there are some guiding principles that can help you stay grounded: Your emotions are real, but your behavior is your choice. This is where true power lies—in the ability to feel deeply, but act wisely.

So go ahead, be authentic, be raw, be human. But don’t forget that with that freedom comes the responsibility to shape your life and the world around you with intention. Be honest with yourself. Don’t let your emotions drive the car—you’re still the one behind the wheel.

Now, how are you going to show up today?