Chrysalids are connected by many traits. I would say that our group includes smarter than average, creative, multi-faceted people ...with something heavy in their background, combined with the hate-love relationship towards darkness. One recurring trait is a concern for one’s own worth in the eyes of others. It is always good to be self-aware, but in a success-oriented community like the Temple of Chrysalis, unnecessary insecurities and twisted, self-targeted expectations will cause pain. For a Pre-telea - a prospect of the Temple - this might be especially hard, as one of the demands before being approved for the initiation, a Pre-telea must prove themself worthy. So, what does "worthy" actually mean? How much should a Chrysalid perform to be qualified enough to become a Telea? Is the pressure justified, or is there space to loosen it up a bit?
It is understandable that, especially when having either insecurities or a perfectionistic nature, one feels pressure about the Temple of Chrysalis membership. I dare to claim that for those people, it would not be only the Temple, but anything that they hold important that includes a trial and proving yourself. Such as an entrance exam or applying for a job.
The pressure is understandable, especially during the Pre-Telea trial, and part of it is intentional. Gaining the access to the Inner Circle might feel challenging, but it is probably one of the less challenging things that you will face in your life. Yet, the two-year trial will feel long. It is there to test you. When things aren’t proceeding, you might start questioning if you are doing things right. Add there some autumn or winter depression, and the toxic soup of “I’m not worthy” is ready for you to consume.
When do people sometimes start feeling unworthy?
I have noticed a couple of patterns that keep on repeating and trigger a Chrysalid to feel unworthy in the community.
1. Living far from the HQ
The distance can make things harder. You can’t meet people as often, if at all. You experience FOMO and you can’t physically do much. It is normal to feel a bit outsider in these cases, however, you don’t need to.
Solution: Do what you can, with the possibilities that you have. Living in another country or town might later prove to be a massive privilege, as it just might be you who has the honor to arrange local Temple gatherings in your town. If you can’t visit the Temple, bring the Temple to you. Just think about it. That is basically what we do. The only reason why our events are where they are is that the people who arrange them live close-by. Be that person who arranges meetings. That is how you no longer live far from the Temple: you become the temporary Temple, yourself.
2) A long break
One challenging situation is when a member has been in the Temple for a longer period, and then for a reason or another has a break. They discover how things have moved forward without them. That, perhaps they were not as important as they thought that they were. They give less effort after returning, and because this means that they get less attention, the feeling of not being worthy increases. There are feelings of being an outsider, feelings of disappointment, and even anger of how “Was I never important?”. Of course, feelings are understandable. Yet, the firm fact is that that’s just how human interaction works. A person can be extremely important to the Temple, but the moment one leaves, the importance ends. The Temple is like a glass of water. Put your finger to the water, and you are inside the water. But pull your finger from the water, there will not be a hole left. By this, I mean that we can’t afford to hold anyone irreplaceable.
Solution? Stop victimizing yourself for your own choices. Instead, become worthy again. Be what you were, and earn your place. You did it once – you can do it again.
3) A conflict
When a conflict happens, it may bring you down for a long period of time. The tense energy can be sensed even if things are talked through.
Solution? Communicate and talk things through properly. Then, actively rebuild your relationship. And always remember: If you have not been kicked out, you have not been kicked out. You are still with us. Even if things would temporary feel tense, there is appreciation that keeps you in. You are worthy. Actually think about it like this: You are so worthy that even after an argument, you are still part of the community. And no conflict drives you away, unless you yourself allow it to.
4) When they give OR receive too much too soon and the pace can’t be kept that way
People need validation, praise, attention and to be seen, but those things are tied to their performance and presence. The more you do, the more you are praised. An interesting phenomenon that the inner circle has proven to happen in 100% of the cases is that Chrysalids who get dramatically more than average in the beginning due to their high participation, experience a critical drop after a while. My theory is that when the honeymoon is filled with participation, it also means being showered with love. But. Over-performing can’t keep going, and at some point, a mistake will happen. When you become tired or feel ashamed, you lose your motivation and energy, which means that you participate less. This means that the praises and lovebombing end, too. And this creates a massive contrast, if you measure your self-worth based on what other people think. It’s like sugar. If you get used to eating plenty of sugar every day, but suddenly you can’t have any, you feel cranky, depressed, bloated and tired.
Solution? Don’t measure your self-worth based on other people. Have a little break if you need, and be aware that a break also means less attention into your direction. And that is okay! You reap what you sow, and that’s normal. It doesn’t mean that you are unworthy or bad. Nobody can’t go full-speed 24/7 without getting sick. You can also talk about your feelings, for example directly to me. As a burnout survivor and a diagnosed OCPD, I might have solutions on how to give you a soft landing back to where you were, but with less perfectionism and over-performing.
5) When there is general insecurity and lack of self-confidence
This is probably the most common reason. Life may have taken you to a path that has given very little space for success and positive experiences.
Solution: The problem is deeper and most likely can’t be solved with a single advice. But you can become aware of what “worthy” means in the Temple and match your own expectations based on that.
Each of these cases is understandable and human. However, you have all the power to influence your “worth” for the Temple. And being “worthy” might not even mean what you think it does.
What does “worthy” actually mean to us?
Commitment
Proving yourself worthy means that you show the Temple you are going to be more or less a permanent part of the community. That you show you have come to stay and that you are going to make the Temple a part of your life. This can be best done by showing your face every now and then, either live, online or both. What is enough, then? It’s when you aren’t forgotten. Even if you show up on Discord only twice a year, you still most likely will be well remembered, if you join 4 weekend-long events in a year.
Appreciation
Being worthy also means appreciation, and how that appreciation is reflected in your behavior. If you can’t see the Temple’s worth, it will be hard to see yours, and it will be considered slightly insulting. Esoteric means that knowledge is reserved for the inner circle that has earned the knowledge. This is meant, for example, to ensure that you respect the system and the information and support you receive after initiation. The value comes from, for example, that you are trustworthy. That when a conflict happens, you don’t throw a tantrum and shout on Twitter, publicly revealing the information donated to you. Appreciation means also respect towards your siblings in Chrysalis. We want to see that you are capable of appreciating other people’s work.
Self-development
Your value also comes from your willingness to develop yourself. The Temple of Chrysalis is based almost entirely on self-development and phenomenons and symbolism around it, and the purpose of the probationary period is to outline whether you have the potential and interest to do so. Remember that the trial period is only a trial period. It measures your potential, and it does not mean that you should be a ready package. The first degree initiation is where things really start, and the trial only the beginning. However, already during your Pre-telea period, we’ll look at whether you’re really going to take responsibility for your life and aim for success – or whether you’re mostly content to victimize yourself constantly and whine about your life without doing anything about it. We want to see that you have the flame of a Chrysalid and the potential to be something greater.
Motivation and genuine interest
This is one of the most important things to consider. Think about applying to the Temple like if you would apply for a Medical school. By passing the exam, you will not become a doctor, but the exam will measure what your potential is and how much you are willing to work for your goal. In addition, the entrance exam reveals if you are serious about wanting to be a doctor.
Why, then, is motivation so important to measure for the Temple? Because occultism can be challenging. And being in a community, engaged in challenging topics, requires special interest and devotion. Why? If you are not motivated, you will not do enough to, for example, learn materials and use them in your life. In addition, communicating with an unmotivated Telea becomes a grueling chase, dragging them behind while the rest of the community wants to move forward. For example, if you are given a spell as a Telea, so that you should memorize it for a becoming ritual, nobody will monitor and breathe to your neck to make sure that you do your part. Then, when the group ritual happens and you haven’t had the motivation to learn the words, it’s gonna be awkward for the whole group when you look at your toes and mumble some gibberish. And, it fucks up the ritual.
You may have sometimes come across a doctor who seemed so jaded about their job that you were left unheard and untreated. Was it a good experience? Probably not. The doctor did not do what a doctor should in their position.
You don’t want to be that person in the Temple.
Lack of self-reliance means you would have to be dragged behind, which would employ the rest of the group for wrong reasons.
As the pillars state, the caterpillar can be given food, but it must build its own cocoon and transform. Nobody will do the job for the caterpillar. I need to see you being the hungry caterpillar, feeding on the leaves that I provide, ready to become the butterfly. For example this makes you worthy. That you are able to take responsibility for yourself and your progress. And not that you ruffle on the couch, whining about the evil of the world, while others sway the olive branches in front of you, on the golden tray, hoping you would grab one of them.
And before you little mothlings panic and throw another Dryocampa spiral of “OH NO WILL I BE LIKE THAT”, calm down. Seriously. 😀 And get rid of those unnecessary spirals. Everyone will also make mistakes, and everyone will forget about something at times. It’s more about if the behavior becomes constant and regular. That every time we have an event, you would be the only one who doesn’t answer about their part unless I DM you 5 times to get a response. What we demand here is nothing inhuman. It all comes down to basic good manners. I’m sure you can do that. Without throwing a spiral. Just chill and be a (semi)decent human-being. You are awsum!
No pearls for pigs
The ultimate underlying idea behind the need to display being worthy of the initiation, is the common way in Western esoterics to give closed information only to the selected. This is to protected information that people consider “sacred” or important, against getting into wrong hands or unappreciative people. Think about getting a sweet formula of powerful magic – and then you would use it to harm others because of some petty impulse or just for laughs and gags.
By proving that a member is worthy, also spiritual values and the individual’s right for privacy about delicate matters are protected.
The inner circle of the Temple of Chrysalis is proud of what it is, and as the membership is considered at its best to be a lifelong journey, synergy and dynamism of the inner circle play a tremendous role.
Something that unites Teleas who have found or started to find their own path is that they have started to build worth for themselves. Self-appreciation, self-worth and letting go of unnecessary “I am worse than others” labels.
When you start building your own value to yourself, you discover your self-worth. It comes through YOU. That is the very first step in being worthy to the Temple.
When you discover your self-worth, you will start radiating your good vibes around you. Instead of spreading negativity, you spread inspiration. Instead of marketing yourself as something not good, you stop reinforcing that lousy label, and you start feeling better. When you feel better, it feels easier to be around you, and the environment will react accordingly.
For myself, the point is that I want to build a team with members who get along with each other and appreciate the system. I don’t want to share my pearls with pigs. I don’t want anyone to join just because “lol that would be kinda cool l3l”. If a person does not have a genuine motivation to be involved, but the membership is just a prize trophy placed on a collector’s shelf, it is sensitive that the person does not have enough independence and energy to be involved.
Although the world can accommodate a wide variety of personalities, and naturally everyone is valuable in their own way, the Temple of Chrysalis is still entitled to choose what kind of members it should have. Some random Brawl-Bob who challenges people to fight him at a hot dog carrier, drunk, in the middle of a night, then goes and beats his family and constantly throws chauvinistic jokes, without even a hint of self-awareness, would unfortunately not be exactly what is sought from a Telea.
Potential to be a Complete Companion in Chrysalis
My vision about an ideal Telea Chrysalid is a self-aware person who is curious about their mind and how to connect with their core. An ideal Telea looks into the present and future, instead of being stuck in their past – unless the past serves them. An ideal Telea makes mistakes, fixes them and gets over it. Even when throwing harsh genitalia jokes or dancing naked on the table while being wasted, within their core, an ideal Telea is a person of grace and dignity. To be a Telea is an honor, and the title given is to be appreciated. A Telea understands the cyclic nature of success – how you may fall, but you can always rise again. A Telea understands that the world is their beautiful playground, waiting to be explored. A Telea sees opportunities, positive challenges and learns to adopt a can-do attitude which they harness for gaining success in their life.
TL;DR?
Being worthy of the first-degree initiation means that you genuinely want this and are motivated, that you are not a complete twat – and that you are here to stay.
How do I prove that I'm worthy?
Or more like, how do you prove the things that build that worth, such as motivation and commitment.
Luckily, there are several ways to prove that you are motivated, serious about joining or that you enjoy the system. But they all can be summarized into one word: Participation.
And there are countless ways to participate.
What works for someone else, might not work for you, and vice versa, so here is a list of examples.
No, this does NOT mean that you need to do it all, all the time, every day or week, every moment. This also is NOT an all-covering list. These are simply examples of what you can do.
- Activate the online conversation
- …Or, simply show up on Discord every now and then
- Activate the live conversation
- Invite Chrysalids over your place
- Visit other Chrysalids at their place
- Arrange a movie night with Chrysalids
- Become friends with other Chrysalids
- Help with event decorations
- Show up in the Temple events every now and then. You don’t have to do this every time.
- Help someone with their home, such as cleaning, gardening, or by simply hanging out
- Make a dance performance to an event
- Help the newcomers
- If you have an argument, try to find an agreement
- If you offend someone, say that you are sorry
- Have an open mind and curiosity about the information given to you
- Return regularly to say hi to the community
- Help to moderate Discord
- When people are feeling down, support them
- Lift others up
- Arrange program, such as a regular voice chat meeting or home party
- Educate the inner circle about your expertise by giving a presentation
- Educate the newcomers about the order
- Create graphics templates for recruiting purposes
- Recruit
- Give an interesting point of view in a conversation
- When doing a live ritual, be fully immersed and in: close your eyes and throw yourself into the ritual. Lift your hands, fall on your knees – dare to dive into trance.
- Make drinks in an event
- Plan Chrysalis-related drinks
- When in an event, serve others.
- Set the breakfast table for others in an event
- Organize a local group of Chrysalids (hint, hint – doing this successfully might mean that one day you are leading your own local section.)
- Make friends with the inner circle
Others are good and worthy - I am bad and unworthy"
Will the Pre-Teleas have pressures of being worthy or performing well? Of course! Just like in any candidate situation, it’s only natural to wonder if you get what you want. But the whole probationary period itself explores your mentality and your ability to develop it into directions that serve you better.
Something that can happen at times is, especially when you feel tired, that you envy others who are achieving things and succeeding in life. That is normal, to certain extends. Yet, a Chrysalid can be distinguished from an ordinary person because of the Chrysalid’s mindset: a Chrysalid is able to rejoice in the happiness of others without thinking it is somehow taken away from them. A Chrysalid won’t think that just because someone has something good, it would mean that the Chrysalid is bad or unworthy. That’s lower thinking. Be better than that.
You are in a community where you are allowed to tell when you succeed. It means that everyone else has that very same right to be happy and share their happiness. It should not be taken wrong. “I am bad and unworthy” is the shittiest, most self-sabotaging label that you can give yourself. It’s also downright cheap and easy way to shift responsibility away from yourself. You’re not bad. The only way to become bad and unworthy is to convince your subjective reality that that’s what you are.
Then, another important point. You live your life for you. Every success story is valuable to us as a community, and that is why we encourage each other. But these success stories don’t matter if they are made primarily for others.
You don’t live your life because of others. Not for your partner, your boss, other Chrysalids, and (hopefully), not even me. (I love my community, but I don’t have the kink of making you my slave. Sorry.)
You did not come here to improve the well-being of others, but yours. Of course, one could argue that why a trial period is even needed, if you are not meant to please others. But part of your well-being also comes through the community, and in that regard, you are obligated to be at least a tolerable human being. As insider membership involves the full support of the community, the community must ensure that synergies are intact. We start reminding people around us, and that’s why we need to choose our company carefully.
So, first and foremost, whatever your probationary task was, it’s also worth taking care of all the issues you have about the success of others. Start your path by ceasing to compare yourself to others with harshness and negativity. Instead, crack the secret of how successful people succeed. How they think, how they act, how they react, and what their attitude is. And then pick the cherries on top of the cake and match the best findings to your own personality. Also match the amount of your participation to how important the Temple is to you.
If the success of others always propells you into “Ah and oh, how horrible and unworthy lousy creature I am!” -cry, or, even uncontrollable jealousy, you will have pretty fucking hard time trying to be happy in the Temple of Chrysalis. Because there will be success, everywhere. You can either elevate yourself to the category of successful people or stay where you are and grizzle about your life.
The Afterword
Often people who find the Temple being important to them will figure out a way to show their worth. There is not just one single way to do it, and no step-by-step guide that would match every individual. There isn’t even a measure of how important the Temple should be for you.
How much should you give to the Temple to be worthy? There’s no single answer. Even though I personally appreciate appreciation, meaning that I will take what you give, trusting that you know your limits, it never should mean that you exhaust yourself. So, perhaps I could guide that a suitable amount of participation is when you are motivated enough to show up regularly, being active enough to be remembered, yet without exhausting yourself. And again, that’s individual.
Most often, the Chrysalids who do the most also doubt themselves the most. Sometimes it is difficult for me to interpret whether the feeling of inadequacy is the result of overperforming and exhausting – or is overperforming and exhaustion the results of feeling inadequacy. It’s natural that your loved one’s community is important to you, but the right way to show that importance isn’t that you’re breaking yourself. In most cases, courtesy and consideration and the fact that you aren’t a complete human ass are enough.
Most likely when you experience a strong sense of worthlessness, you have actually set your highest bar.
In some cases, however, it simply might be that you indeed are not doing enough. If you are not giving anything, it is unfair to complain that others get praises and are being invested to. The Temple gives what you deserve, and if you feel you aren’t getting what you want, you need to do something different.
Spiritually, you are enough. And you can show that you are worthy by understanding this. Humbly, yet embracingly.
Everyone has a place in the Temple, and every level is needed. Team leaders are useless without a team. A Hiereus does nothing with an empty ritual circle. And I do nothing with a cult without cultists. If you’re in that happy position that you don’t have to be as responsible for anything else than yourself and show up every now and then, I recommend that you make the most of it and enjoy.
The temple does not expect perfection from you. We don’t expect you to find a “profession” inside the Temple. The temple expects you to be a respectful and compassionate person with situational awareness and the ability to communicate, even when things get hard – and that you want to develop yourself as a Chrysalid.
The demand that you prove yourself worthy of the first-degree initiation is not there because of some sadistic need. It is to ensure that what we hold sacred stays that way. One day you are among those who protect the Knowledge. And you will understand why proving yourself worthy is so important.
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